Many people don't enjoy marketing. But when you own your own business, you have to take some sort of action to let people know about you and what your business offers. No one has ever been successful in business by sitting on the sofa, watching Dr. Phil, and waiting for clients to knock on the door.

Most people have confused sales and marketing. They think they have to "sell" themselves, which then conjures up the image of the dreaded used-car salesman's approach. Most people would be turned off by that.

Sales is about trying to convince a prospect that he needs what you have. Most of us hate that. Marketing is about finding out what people need, and seeing if you have anything to offer. Marketing is about seeing a need and filling it appropriately. Sales is about filling the need with whatever needs to be sold, whether or not it's actually what's needed.

So, then, marketing your Virtual Assistant (VA) practice and services isn't about shoving yourself down someone else's throat. It's about sharing what you're doing with others, and seeing if there seems to be a natural fit--their needs for what you have to offer.

Ultimately, however, this still requires you to connect with other people and tell them about your work and your business, and there are many ways to do that. What's right for one person will be completely wrong for another.

Some people are more brazen and feel completely comfortable being out at networking events, "pressing the flesh," making cold calls, speaking to groups, and the like. Others are more introverted and would feel far better not having to put themselves out there in quite the same ways. Introverts would be more comfortable networking online, or belonging to virtual groups, placing ads, or writing articles for e-zines, sending press releases about their work, and other things that don't bring them face to face with people. Whatever one's style, there's one way to build a practice that actually doesn't require a VA to do any of that. That's building a referral engine.

It's also important to make a distinction between a referral and a lead. A referral is a lead that has become a client. Until that important step (a lead actually becomes a client) happens, it's just a lead, no matter where you got it. You want to cultivate relationships with people who are such strong centers of influence that almost all their leads turn into referrals. You want the "referral" to be leaping out of his chair ready to work with you almost before you've even spoken. People who can make that happen for you are true advocates for your business, and your relationships with them are critical to your success.

The good news is that although you'll need to expend some energy keeping the relationships with your advocates strong, it should be an easy process--people don't become advocates for those they don't already like, respect, and admire.

Here are some ways to start that referral engine:

Make it a point to ask people. They can't know you want referrals unless you tell them. People we know assume our business is exactly where we want it unless we communicate otherwise to them. Be sure to communicate why their referrals are important to you, personally and professionally. Ask everyone you know who believes in you.

Be interested. No one will refer business to you just because you ask them to. There has to be some sort of a relationship--either a professional one in which you did something great for them or a personal one that automatically lends itself to their wanting to support you and your business. Get to know people. The more interested you are in them, the more interested they'll be in supporting you.

Be advocates for others' businesses. An easy way to have someone become an advocate for you is when you are an advocate for him.

Know your ideal client and tell your advocates about her in detail. If you don't know who you want to work with, how can your advocates know who to refer to you?

Create collateral material to give to your advocates to distribute to others about you and your business. Make sure they have some information to share.

Thank your advocates. A handwritten thank you card is wonderful. Add a gift, and it takes your "thanks" to the next level. It doesn't have to be expensive--invite the advocate to lunch, or include an Amazon.com gift certificate or whatever you can keep on hand and quickly include in a thank you note. Be genuine.

Keep your advocates informed. Let them know about changes to your practice, and keep them up to date about what's happening with the clients they refer to you. Let them hear your successes that they helped create. People love to hear that they've been helpful, especially in helping someone achieve success.

Invest more time in your best advocates. If there's an advocate or two who generate most of your referrals, focus more attention on them. Mine the gold, rather than mining the ore elsewhere.

At AssistU, dozens of VAs had to market their practices in the beginning, but once they found advocates for their businesses, they were able to practically stop. They all agree--building a referral engine is the absolute best way to find the clients they most want to work with.

Stacy Brice is a naturally recognized expert on "virtual assistance" and president of AssistU, an organization that trains and coaches virtual assistants. Reach her at stacy@assistu.com.